Confessions, Consent, and Femininity: In the Clear Moonlit Dusk
Love letter #1
Starting projects is hard and I’ve been agonizing what an appropriate “first” love letter essay theme for this Substack would be. But the truth it, it probably doesn’t matter and I should just start! And so, I bring you an essay on the latest shoujo that’s sparked joy for me: A Clear Moonlit Dusk, specifically Volume 4.
I was a bit undecided on my opinion on A Clear Moonlit Dusk until this volume, when it became an absolute favourite. I was appreciating all the dynamics and characters, but wasn’t quite sure about the other love interest and how that storyline would play out. My fears were put to rest.
In the Clear Moonlit Dusk is a high-school romance shoujo. The female lead, Yoi Takiguchi, is a masculine-presenting girl who is called “Prince” by those around her, both girls and boys. This creates emotional distance between herself and others, including her friends, as she contemplates her own femininity and her desires for romantic affection and to be treated “as a girl”. The male lead, Kohaku Ichimura, is also called a “Prince” at school for his dastardly good looks, flirtatious behaviour, and rumoured family fortune (he is Bill Gates’ son they say, no like for realsies, I heard it from a reliable source!). Ichimura is relatively brash and straight-forward but is both caring and intuitive to Yoi’s feelings most of the time.
The two are in completely different worlds, as is common in shoujo tropes, until a chance encounter. Ichimura becomes fascinated (*ahem* entirely head-over-heels in love) with Yoi and begins to pursue her. They “test” a relationship and getting to know each other over Volume 1-3, but the early stages of getting to know someone can be exciting but also awkward and uncomfortable. How much of your true self can you show? How honest can (or should you) you be to someone you may not trust completely yet? Yoi isn’t really sure what to think of Ichimura: he’s got a lot more experience dating than her, in fact, he’s the first boy to ever show any interest in her, and she can’t quite shake the anxiety that he might be just playing a long con on her.
The volumes explore two well-meaning people who communicate well, except when they can’t. I think the story explores a very realistic portrayal of what their interactions would be like: trying their best, but leaving too much unsaid; sometimes when it matters most. But this isn’t your standard “miscommunication” trope. Both characters are actively trying to unpack their own feelings and understand themselves better in order to communicate to the other their true feelings and resolve the miscommunication with the other person. This is realistic: no matter how well you can communicate with people, especially with vulnerable, sensitive emotions like falling in love, you won’t get every interaction right.
I feel that this confession was one of the best confessions I’ve read in a while, and I wanted to unpack some of the excellent themes and foreshadowing that the mangaka wove into the story. The confession felt like both an obvious release of tension (in a COMPLETELY ADORABLE WAY I MIGHT ADD) but also a uniting of themes and steps towards realizations and resolutions in both of the lead character’s internal struggles over the last three volumes.
It was more than just a built-up love confession; it brought respective moments of clarity for both characters in who they are, who they want to be in the world going forward, and how they want to communicate that.
Flawed Characters, Honest Reactions
One of the things I appreciated about this volume was how realistically “flawed” the characters were. It’s hard to even call it a flaw, as I feel they were reacting genuinely to situations based on their own experiences. And while their reactions and ways of communicating were something the other person had a hard time understanding, both parties were attempting to communicate with the other in the only way they knew how at the time, which places these interactions and the tension in the manga above a simple “miscommunication”.
The main tension in the beginning of the volume is Ichimura being jealous of Yoi’s new handsome work colleague who seems to have a crush on Yoi. Ichimura expresses this to Yoi instead of giving her silent treatment or acting weirdly. Yoi isn’t able to understand this, and feels it must be a joke, or something he says casually.
While their attempts to communicate are well meaning, they ultimately both end up only considering their own perspective. Yoi is naively not picking up on her new coworker’s mild interest in her and dismisses Ichimura’s feelings as being too oppressive. But it does suck to have your partner not see that someone else is interested in them; it’s an honest feeling to have and, even if you know your relationship isn’t threatened, it can be frustrating to have your partner not see the obvious tells.
Yoi misses that this is actually a new feeling for Ichimura and he doesn’t quite know how to react or understand it. Ichimura misses that that kind of expression and communication can’t always read 100% genuine to Yoi as she is too inexperienced and slightly intimidated by his previous relationship history.
Ultimately, I feel their reactions and communication here are extremely genuine and how real people would behave in this situation. Both parties have unspoken truths between them: Yoi, that she truly does like Ichimura and is unintentionally playing coy to protect herself, and Ichimura that his previous relationships were meaningless to him, full of women who only wanted to be with him for the prestige, not him for him, which likely has caused him to put up his own emotional walls.
This tension is somewhat unresolved, leading to a rift on whether or not they’ll attend the festival together. The volume features a few panels with Yoi staring at her phone, unsure how to communicate to Yoi as she doesn’t quite understand her own feelings yet, even though she knows she wants to reach out and that something is unresolved/not quite right.
I felt these scenes did a wonderful job capturing that feeling of anxiety when you’re not sure how to communicate with someone and you want them to reach out, are hoping they’ll take the burden off you by reaching out first. Even knowing that it’s you who has to reach out.
Ultimately, they end up not texting each other by minor faults on each parties end: Yoi chickens out, and Ichimura forgets to hit send on his message, sending it only at the 11th hour once the festival has already started “Hey, what’s the plan for tomorrow?”, implicitly leaving in the context that it had been written the day prior. This helps Yoi realize he was feeling the same tension as her. (And then his phone dies, god men are so dummy sometimes).
Who Do You See In a Crowded Room?
The primary metaphor that is used to help the characters, especially Yoi, process their feelings for the other is the concept of who you can instantly pick out of any crowd and feel your eyes drawn to them no matter where you are. I would argue that this isn’t the most unique of a metaphor for shoujo, however, the absolute mastery of how this visual device was put into the manga is noteworthy here. The author has spent 3 volumes showing us this behaviour from both of them time and time again, and finally, it all comes to a head when Ichimura instantly picks Yoi out of a crowd from at least 15 people away (probably more). Even more amazingly, she’s wearing a mask; and Ichimura has never seen her wear a yukata, nor does he know she will even be at the festival. And so we get this wonderful scene:
This theme feels impactful in the moment because it’s highlighting Ichimura’s true feelings in the moment, but also because it’s a visual representation of what’s been foreshadowed at every turn: they were always picking each other out of crowds.
This time, it’s only more extreme. Even though he’s at the festival with friends, he only has eyes for Yoi.
This isn’t a particularly deep read of the the text: the panels in fact demonstrate Yoi picking Ichimura out of a crowd, and a flashback revealing how Ichimura never felt strongly about other girls who were using him for social credit, but somehow couldn’t look away from Yoi at school. But the fact that the mangaka was setting up these little details, these little interactions all piling up and building on each other to create this ultimate moment of tension resolution is a wonderful piece of narrative.
In some ways, because we, the reader, are experiencing their interactions through the eyes of both Yoi and Ichimura in this, we too are experiencing finding them in a crowd, and I think this visual device also helped to make this confession scene where Ichimura picks Yoi out of the crowd from dozens of people away (in a mask, no less) so impactful.
The visual device of picking someone out of a crowd signifying how you feel about them suddenly brings a sense of resolution to the previous three volumes: there’s countless times the mandala has showed us their feelings without directly saying so. This kind of foreshadowing had brilliant payoff and it made this scene in the manga particularly impactful and their confession scene feel even more heightened in intensity and honesty.
The Confession Scene
I think the whole scene where she’s confessing is just so lovely. I’ve picked a few key moments to give pretty graphics to, but also talk about. It’s Yoi’s first time truly letting down her guard and being deeply vulnerable with Ichimura, no “princely” act to be found. She starts off by being worried he was spotted with another girl, and although it’s unclear how long she was observing that interaction, this isn’t the heart of her worry: she reveals she actually wants him to be crazy about her and has been putting on a persona of being more aloof.
Ichimura’s face is so cute here, he looks genuinely so surprised and caught off guard. I just love it. It feels so pure. He asks her to turn around and remove her mask so they can have some intimate ~dual gaze~ moments. And shows his extreme excitement and happiness with a deep, intimate hug.
His response is sweet and gentle, and he follows the hug up with a kiss on her hand, a very princely move from his end (and, one of the first times he really does something to warrant his nickname). Their whole interaction is kind, subtle, but full of emotion and connection.
It makes me happy to read it every time, even as I flipped through the volume countless times in “researching” for this Substack. The way they embrace and interact feels like a wonderfully deep connection and understanding between them after the tension of their feelings has been finally resolved.
Feminine Expression - Yoi’s Yukata
Another particularly nice aspect of this chapter was Yoi being able to embrace a more feminine presentation, something she felt wasn’t “for her” as a more masculine-appearing girl. She was nervous to wear a yukata as she felt it wouldn’t suit her and this is a representation of many of the other reflections she has had about her time with Ichimura: he treats her like a girl, like a princess at times, and these are experiences she both deeply enjoys (even if it flusters her), but more notably experiences she felt she would never have due to her appearance.
After angsting over whether or not to wear a yukata, it’s actually her coworker who encourages her to, saying that men are simple and it won’t matter if it “looks good” or not on her; men [Ichimura] will feel it’s special because she wore it for him specifically. (Which honestly is hilarious and true, I enjoyed this part a lot).
After their confession, Ichimura leans over and compliments her, and the scenes are shown with plenty of white space obscuring the hustle and bustle around them. The only thing that matters for them both, but especially Yoi, is his words in that moment.
It’s through these full interactions that Yoi can feel like she can be a “regular” girl around Ichimura, and by inference, be fully herself around him. SO CUTE! I love this for her! ♥
Notably, the mangaka uses a visual device for when men or women are projecting a certain perspective or personality on Yoi; the use of roses behind her to signify the vision of others on her.
The roses represent how others view her as a “Prince” but also represent something artificial about their interactions with Yoi. They don’t make an attempt to see who she really is and what her desires are. They see her through the lens of how she can be useful or inspiring to them. This is something even her friends fall prey to at times (one wants to use her Prince x Prince relationship with Ichimura as a trope in her boyslove fanfiction, which, while a gag, still puts a level of emotional distance between her and Yoi).
Notably, the roses NEVER appear when Ichimura is interacting or watching Yoi, he is able to see her with more of a clean slate and is curious about who she is, not reading into and making assumptions about her based on her appearance. Her appearance is also distinctly more feminine: wider, brighter, more expressive eyes, delicate features like eyelashes, and sometimes a blush.
Ichimura also takes the time at various points in the previous volumes to ask if she’s okay and to facilitate her discussion of her feelings. Yoi’s friends do similarly at times, although their asks are usually coupled with an assumption about what type of princely aura she has at the same time too. These small interactions and visual cues and contrast in their interactions add to the wholesome nature of their relationship.
Yoi’s Yukata Pattern
Something else I happened to rabbit hole down is the morning glory flowers on Yoi’s yukata. This is more of a curious exploration as I’m using English internet to look up Japanese flower meanings, but it’s a fun little exploration nonetheless. My search turned up a few different options:
Asagao (朝顔) is a symbol of new beginnings and the start of a new day. The flowers open in the morning, representing the dawn of a new day, and close in the evening, symbolizing the end of the day and the passing of time.1
Asagao, or morning glory, is one of the most popular garden plants in Japan and blooms between July and September. Asagao means “face in the morning.” It is a metaphor for a beautiful girl’s face, which might be the most attractive at that time of day.2
In Japan the flower is symbolic of both innocence and love, making it a common gift between young lovers.3
I think all three of these have a delightful little moment of symbolism in each; the beginnings of a new relationship, opening up to a loved one; representing a new chapter of one’s way of moving through the world; Yoi’s feminine expression through her clothes. It’s too much to deeply read into it though, as asago is also a common summer pattern, due to the summer-blooming period of the flowers. It could be nothing other than a lovely pattern; only Mika Yamamori truly knows. But it’s fun to be curious anyway!
On Matters of Consent
I wanted to also talk about consent because this is a hotly debated point of contention in shoujo, with many, unfairly, making a claim that shoujo manga often emphasizes a lack of consent in their depiction of relationships. This hasn’t been my experience in anything other than a handful of modern shoujo and older works published 1990-2006. Times and themes change. Most of the shoujo I’ve read that has been published in the last five years or so emphasizes consent. And I feel that this manga was no exception.
After their cute little confession and hug/hand kiss scene, Ichimura gets a little carried away and tries to kiss Yoi like normal. Honestly, this is a pretty natural response, but it’s just too much too fast for her process, and in a nice blend of comedy and communication, she declares her insecurity and request to take things a bit slower.
In response to her anxiety and caution, Ichimura responds and accepts positively, telling her that they can take things at her own pace. This is only one example where he’s respected her boundaries and communicated well about them, despite her nerves, he doesn’t find it offensive nor does he ever react in anger or frustration to her needs.
This is what I’ve come to expect from modern shoujo: female leads making decisions abut their own comfort in intimacy and having that be respected by male leads, who in turn, let them make the next move when they become comfortable enough. They might encourage or express their interest in advancing the intimacy, but they respect the female lead’s comfort and timeline. And it’s this representation that comes up, honestly quite regularly, which makes me feel frustration to the negative lens people often put on shoujo romances. No, they aren’t toxic, maybe you’re just not reading the right manga.
Overall, I think that this volume did a beautiful job wrapping up tension, helping our leads grapple with their feelings and flaws, and take one more step towards a deeper understanding of themselves and their (new) partner.
In the Clear Moonlit Dusk by Mika Yamamori
Ongoing? Yes.
Volumes as of Writing: English: 04 / Japanese: 06
Serialized in: Dessert Magazine
English Publisher: Kodansha (Read Chapter 1 Free here)
In the Clear Moonlit Dusk has both a digital and physical manga release.